


Aftermath

by FloralBucky



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 03:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13114944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralBucky/pseuds/FloralBucky
Summary: “You’re allowed to grieve, Poe,” Finn whispered. “That’s what you told me, before. You’re allowed to grieve, and to feel sad and hopeless and worthless for a little while. But you aren’t allowed to blame yourself."





	Aftermath

Finn found Poe in one of the few remaining private corners of the Falcon. 

 

The medic treating Rose got sick of Finn getting in the way, so he agreed to leave only if he was alerted the second anything changed. Rey assured him that she would watch Rose from where she was seated next to General Organa, and he trusted her more than anything, so he pressed a kiss into her forehead before setting off in search of Poe. He’d checked the cockpit first, assuming that Poe lifelong obsession with Han Solo’s ship would have brought him straight to the driver’s seat, but instead he’d come across Chewie having what appeared to be a conversation with a strange little bird creature that he’d never seen before. He stared for a second before turning and leaving them to their devices. He could process that later. 

Finn followed his instinct to various alcoves and hideaways around the ship, but Poe wasn’t in any of them. He found several pilots and engineers and admirals, curled up into the small spaces, sleeping or talking quietly or comforting each other. The breathy thrill of escaping Crait had begun to wear off, and the reality of their situation seemed to hit everyone on the ship at once. Their numbers had never been fewer, their hope had never been duller, and they were free floating in hyperspace with no destination and no idea what to do next. The weight of the desolation pressed upon Finn’s chest but he forced himself to keep going. He needed to find Poe.

When Finn reached the last place he could think to search, he thought he must have made a mistake. It was dark and apparently empty, and the only things in the tiny room were a few dusty storage units. But then Finn heard the slide of fabric against metal, and when he focused on the direction of the sound he could just barely make out Poe’s figure where it was slumped against the wall.

As his eyes started to adjust to the dark Finn could just make out the shape of Poe’s curls, and the stiff form of his new jacket, and the solid soles of his boots against the floor. Poe looked up at Finn, and their eyes met for a second. Finn almost backed out, because all he wanted to do was check on Poe he really didn’t want to intrude on his two minutes of solitude, but just as he was about to duck away Poe gestured towards the space next to him on the floor. Finn sat. 

They were close enough that Finn could feel the warmth of Poe’s skin. For a moment the soft sounds of their breathing filled the silence. 

“I’m sorry you had to go back there,” Poe said, quietly. It was so unlike his usual bravado that Finn snapped his head around to face Poe. He looked small, withdrawn. His dark eyes were hooded and heavy, his mouth was an even line across his face. 

“Back to the First Order, I mean. You know that if I thought there were any other options -  _ any other options  _ \- I would have suggested them. I never wanted to put you in that position.” 

Finn stared. He was almost positive that Poe was being serious, but he couldn’t understand why.

“Poe, you didn’t make me go back,” Finn said with certainty, even though he felt anything but. “I chose to go on that mission. We thought it was the only thing that could save the Resistance. Rose and I made that decision knowing that it was risky. I knew the cost of failure, but I also knew that I had to do it.” Poe looked at his hands. 

“But I was your comman - your captain. I was in charge of keeping the mission together, and helping you succeed, and getting you out safely. And look what happened. You got caught, and then imprisoned, and your mission was already halfway in the trash and I wasn’t there to help and then you got stabbed in the back by a man you had no choice but to trust and then all of it was for nothing. All of it was for nothing.” Poe heaved a shuddering sigh and turned his face away, but before he did Finn caught the glimmer of wetness on his cheeks. 

“Poe, listen. Listen to me.” Finn reached out and turned Poe’s face back to him, his palm rough against Poe’s scruffy cheek. Poe’s mouth dropped open and his eyelids fluttered a little and Finn realized that maybe he shouldn’t be touching Poe without asking him first. He dropped his hand quickly, but held Poe’s gaze. 

“You’re right that it was hard for me to go back there, and face Phasma. I was terrified. Every time I rounded a corner I was sure that someone would be waiting to handcuff me and drag me away to be brainwashed. Again.” Finn squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “But I knew that you were on the other side, and that you had my back. Poe, I would trust you with my life - I did trust you with my life. And I don’t regret it.” Finn stared into Poe’s face, silently begging him to accept the words, to accept the truth. But Poe’s expression shuttered closed. 

“How can you say that?” he burst out, the passion behind his voice making Finn jump a little. “How can you say that? I led my squadron on what was essentially a suicide mission and my stupid belief that we could make a difference got most of them killed.” Poe struggled through the last few words, his eyebrows pinched. His grief was a palpable, living thing that threatened to crawl down Finn’s throat and infect him, turn him to the darkness. But Finn held on, his knees pressed against Poe’s, and tried hard to cling to the strength that he knew he needed to have for the both of them. 

“I killed them, Finn,” Poe choked out, his voice thick. “I killed my squadron. They trusted me to protect them and keep them alive and my own  _ kriffing _ ignorance and thoughtlessness got them killed.” He thudded his head back against the metal wall of the ship. He was truly crying now, but he didn’t seem to notice the tears on his own face. 

Finn felt a sudden rush of anger boil up through his stomach. He grabbed Poe’s calloused palm in his own and squeezed it close to his chest. “You’re not allowed to think that way,” he ground out. “It was not your fault. Their deaths are not on your head. You were doing what you thought needed to be done to help the Resistance survive. The lack of communication, or confusion, or whatever happened surrounding the circumstances of your decisions are not your fault. You are Commander Poe Dameron and you did what you had to do given the situation. Please don’t blame yourself,” Finn pleaded, willing Poe to look at him. 

“When I told you that I killed people when I was with the First Order, Resistance fighters and civilians alike, what did you tell me?” Finn pressed, his words wobbly. “ _ What did you tell me _ ,  _ Poe _ ?”

“I told you that it wasn’t your fault,” Poe forced out, his hands shaking. “I told you that you were only following orders and that it wasn’t your fault.”

“Exactly,” Finn soothed. “I was only following orders, and you were only doing what you were told to do.”

“But General Organa -” 

“General Organa told you to call off the strike, yes. But how many times has she also told you to follow your gut? How many times has she told you that your instinct as a pilot is invaluable and to always trust it? You’re the best damn pilot in the entire Resistance, Poe, and she didn’t make you her Commander for no reason.” 

Poe looked at Finn with such anguish and disbelief on his face that Finn couldn’t help it any more. He ran his hand through Poe’s soft curls, scratching his scalp softly, before pulling Poe towards him. Poe went limply, folding himself into Finn’s chest, and Finn smoothed his hands over Poe’s back and head for as long as it took his breathing to settle. 

“You’re allowed to grieve, Poe,” Finn whispered. “That’s what you told me, before. You’re allowed to grieve, and to feel sad and hopeless and worthless for a little while. But you aren’t allowed to blame yourself. Okay?” There was a long pause when Finn thought Poe had fallen asleep and that he hadn’t heard Finn’s question, but then he felt Poe nod tentatively against him.

They stayed that way for as long as they could before Finn started to hear raised voices coming from the center of the ship. There were no windows in their corner, but he could only assume that they’d left hyperspace. Poe struggled into a sitting position. He had deep bags under his eyes, but the lines on his face were a bit less worrisome to Finn now. 

“Are you ready to go back?” Finn asked. He didn’t want to rush Poe, but there were too few people on the ship for their absence to go unnoticed. 

“I’m ready,” Poe said, and Finn actually believed him. “Thanks, buddy. For everything.” He squeezed Finn’s hand. “I don’t know when you got to be so wise.” 

“You taught me,” Finn said easily, and Poe cracked his famous smile. They helped each other up off the metal floor and walked towards the source of conversation, bumping shoulders all the way. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like an hour and a half and read it over once but I just really needed to get this out of my system. I'm still pissed about Poe's characterization and the giant plot holes surrounding that entire situation. I also just needed to write the tender, emotional moment between Finn and Poe that we didn't get in the movie. So here you go :)


End file.
